I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
