I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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