i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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