Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
