Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
