Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
