How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
