How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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