oh god the rape fog is back!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
