So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
