Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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