I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
