Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
