best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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