if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
