cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
