today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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