So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I smell stomach acid.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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