It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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