NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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