Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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