I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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