I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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