We named our party play list daddy issues
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
