exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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