I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
