Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
