Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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