she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
