I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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