I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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