WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
