Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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