pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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