one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
