so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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