This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
