I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize