the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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