yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize