So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
