It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
