the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
