I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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