drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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