She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
