what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
