I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
