pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
