I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
