I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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