I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize