i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
