I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
