I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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