I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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