Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
