It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
