I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize