Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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